To Facebook and Physics

I have a love/hate relationship with facebook. I find it strangely addictive, but I also fill with self-loathing every time I waste more than 30 seconds on it. On the one hand, I am in closer contact with my cousins than I have been in decades; I’m back in touch with the old college gang. That’s wonderful. But then there’s the time-suck. Countless naptimes that could have been spent eating, showering, doing laundry, starting dinner, reading a fabulous book or, hell, maybe even writing one, that instead were spent taking ridiculous quizzes. Sure, now I know my Myers-Briggs personality type (INFJ) and which Hogwarts house I’d be sorted into (Hufflepuff), but really was it worth it? After this past week, I’m going to say yes.

Back in high school, I took one class that just kicked my ass: physics. I have a high school diploma, a BA and a law degree. I have taken many classes and I didn’t excel in all of them, but only one made me feel downright stupid. Physics. To add insult to injury, I took it as a junior in a senior-level class. So each time I inevitably answered a question wrong or had to utter a defeated, “I have no idea,” I also had the weight of social judgment bearing down on me. (Yes, I realize most people do not equate academic success in physics with social largess, but that’s how it felt to me at the time. And, yes, there is a point here.) The ONLY good thing to come out of that class was an unlikely friendship.

Priti was a year older than me – and for some reason that matters in high school – and long before we spoke to each other in Physics, we were well aware of each other. We had a crush on the same guy, which led to the type of silent, passive aggressive, stare-down battle that only teenage girls have perfected. In our minds we were competitors, not friends. It didn’t matter that the crushes had fizzled by the time we got our seat assignments in Physics, we were both annoyed that we had to sit next to each other.

As the year went on, we exchanged polite conversation here and there. Saved each other the embarrassment of not knowing an answer now and then. Shared a scientific calculator on test days. And before I knew it we were friends. Really good friends. When I graduated college 5 years later, Priti was still a good friend. Ready to hang out when I was in NY. Visiting me in DC. Always available on the phone.

Then a year or so later, we had an argument when I was back in NY one weekend. I can’t even remember what it was about. I know there was a party, something about her then-boyfriend’s friends, I didn’t beep her, or maybe she didn’t return my beep. (Remember beepers!?) Anyway, we argued and I went back to DC “not talking” to Priti. I never meant for it to be permanent, but time and distance have that effect.

For years, I felt bad that we let such a good friendship go. On my wedding day, when everything else was perfect, I was acutely aware that I was missing a bridesmaid that I was always certain would be there. I asked people from high school if they’d heard from her when I had the chance. No one had. I googled her a few times, but her name is apparently the Indian equivalent of Jennifer Smith, so it was futile. Yes, I could have called her parents’ house. But that’s a big step, an intimidating one, and she could’ve called my parent’s too, right?! So I’d doubt whether she’d want to hear from me, forget it and move on.

When I finally broke down and signed up for facebook, people I hadn’t thought about in years were springing up everywhere. “Friends” that I was happy to hear from, but knew I’d probably still never see again. I searched for Priti. No luck. Then last week, a year later, I saw a status update from someone in Priti’s graduating class and randomly clicked on his profile. I wasn’t particularly interested, but facebook had already dug its claws in and the prospects of doing laundry had already been abandoned. My curiosity was piqued and I looked to see if Priti was among his friends. She was!

Within hours we were back on the phone talking about life, how it had changed, how it had stayed the same. Unlike many conversations I’ve had with old friends, we weren’t reclaiming the past. We were picking up where we left off.

Yes, my Dad is right when he says that the phone is easier than e-mail and certainly a more personal way of communicating. But it can also be paralyzing at times. Facebook is, indeed, a time-suck. But then you get this little gift from the social-networking gods, and you realize that all those hours lost to dumb facebook quizzes may be worth it after all.

The To Facebook and Physics by MushBrain, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Terms and conditions beyond the scope of this license may be available at mushbrain.net.