The Crime Report

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Side View

Suspect: Hazel Rounsavall
Alias: “The Nut”

Wanted for:

Petty Theft. Dining Room. Sept. 25. 10:34 a.m. Homeowner returned from visiting a preschool to find that suspect had stolen Cheerios from the table. An investigation of the scene revealed canine footprints in Cheerio-dust on the table.

Petty Theft. Kitchen. Sept. 24. 1:16 p.m. Homeowner returned from Gymboree to find suspect had stolen crate of cherry tomatoes from kitchen island. Only 1 tomato remained in crate. She later found a stash of 5 tomatoes under the armchair when suspect was found whimpering and clawing at chair.

Petty Theft and Destruction of Property. Living Room. Oct. 4. 3:55 p.m. Victim reported package of crackers had been stolen from diaper bag. Package was later discovered abandoned in the living room. The crackers remained in the package but were severely crumbled. The Nut is suspected.

Petty Theft. Kitchen/Living Room. Oct. 11. 8:18 p.m. Homeowner reported hearing an intruder in living room. Upon entering the living room she found the Nut destroying evidence behind the armoire. An investigation of the premises revealed the suspect had stolen and ingested half an apple pie from kitchen counter.

Destruction of Property and Attempted Theft. Kitchen. Oct. 14. 1:25 p.m. Homeowner returned from Gymboree to find a kitchen garbage can had been retrieved from counter and its contents thoroughly destroyed.  It is suspected that the perpetrator was attempting to steal food products however homeowners report the can contained no organic products due to composting. The Nut was seen fleeing the scene.

Destruction of Property and Attempted Theft. Kitchen. Oct. 15. 1:16 p.m. Homeowner returned from Music Together to find a scene strikingly similar to the previous day’s attempted theft. Investigators suspect The Nut returned to the scene to finish the job.

Petty Theft. Family Room/Kitchen. Oct. 22. 7:35 p.m. Homeowners reported finding a stray tomato stem on family room floor. Investigation revealed one of three tomatoes left on the kitchen island had disappeared. No trace of the tomato or its remnants have been recovered.

Petty Theft. Kitchen. Jan. 4. 4:45 p.m. Homeowners returned home to find a fortune cookie wrapper on the kitchen floor. The fortune cookie was missing, presumed eaten. Investigation uncovered a fortune reading: “Your talents will be recognized by the world.” Law enforcement asks that the public not encourage The Nut’s “talents.”