Too Little, Too Late

I’ve had a hard time motivating in the last couple weeks. I just sort of hit a wall. Not just with my blogging, but with life in general. I can give you a million excuses why: Lilly’s been teething and wasn’t sleeping well, so neither was I. Then my insomnia kicked in, so I’m dead tired. And it’s cold again and I hate cold weather. It makes me depressed. Also, I’ve been struggling with some questions about my career. I’ve hardly seen any of my friends lately. Mushbrain. Blah blah blah. Excuses. That’s all they are. But then life came along and shouted “enough procrastinating!” Not once. Not twice. But three times. That I can think of.

The Christmas after Hurricane Katrina, my mother-in-law gave me a fancy new sewing machine after my old, classic, hand-me-down one was ruined in the flood. I was pretty excited. I’d been meaning to get back to sewing for a while and I was more than a little inspired by Project Runway to learn some new skills. Maybe experiment with some fashion instead of just pillowcases and the like. Well, once I pulled out my newfangled sewing machine and realized there had been quite a few innovations in the decades since the only other two machines I’ve ever used were made, I became discouraged and put that on the back burner.

On at least two occasions, my mom and I took a look at the machine and tried to figure out all the “convenient” auto-features without the manual, which I had promptly lost. No dice. Then, two weeks ago, I went online and found the manual for my machine so my mom and I could work with it while she was visiting last week. But since I lost ambition before getting to the store to buy some thread we had nothing to work with, so that didn’t happen. FINALLY, on Friday I got motivated. During the day, I picked up some thread and some remnant material to play with once I got everything up and running. That night I pulled out the machine and the manual, figured out my automatic bobbin winder, all I had to do was figure out the automatic needle threader and we were in business. But then — three and a half years after my warranty expired — I discovered the most basic lever on the whole damn machine (the presser foot lifter) is broken and I would need three hands to continue the threading process. Damn. DAMN! I finally get around to playing with my “new” toy and it’s broken straight out of the box! So the machine is packed up again and sitting next me so that it’s ready when I find some motivation to sew again sometime in the NEXT 3 years!

Then there’s the blog. You may have noticed that I’ve been fiddling a lot with the appearance lately, but not so much with the writing. Not really a good way to run a blog. But I just haven’t been moved by anything in particular lately. Lilly’s great, but who wants to read nothing but a mother gushing. I STILL haven’t finished my Hemingses book to write a review. The news is the same old same old. Enter wannabe-reality-family-and-balloon-boy. I mean, seriously. If this messed up family is not deserving of some MushBrain commentary than who is!? I had all sorts of things to say about how this bizarre event, while sad and a total waste of law enforcement’s time, is not really so bizarre when you consider the fact that our society devours reality TV. And about how it’s not really surprising that someone would be so desperate to throw their family into the spotlight when just about every network on TV has a show that glamorizes some odd family’s willingness to bombard their children with cameras to make good TV and lots of cash. Etcetera, etcetera.

With lots of ideas flowing about what balloon boy says about modern American society, I was feeling pretty good that I had a topic for the blog. So, I plopped myself down on the couch last night (because of course I decided to put off the actual writing til today) only to flip on CNN and hear Anderson Cooper saying exactly what I was planning to blog about. Damn you, Anderson, for scooping me!! Shouldn’t you be focusing on more important things? Like Afghanistan? Or health care? Or the economy? All I wanted was balloon boy! Is that too much to ask?!

Then, last but not least, I missed the bus on one more opportunity this morning. Elliott and I had been thinking about putting Lilly in a preschool or “parent’s day out” program for a little while now. I was not too excited about dropping off my little girl to play without me for a few hours 2-3 times a week, but the idea of having more time to get things done and maybe even do some work was intriguing. And I agree with Elliott that she’s ready for some more socialization and should get used to being without me at least for short periods. So I did some research on local programs for 14 month-olds and found only one that I was really excited about. I visited and the kids are happy, the teachers are warm and fun, the school is safe and clean. Perfect. It is on the other side of town, but I was willing to use close to a third of that free time driving back and forth just to have her in a preschool that seemed right.

Whether it is smart or not, I was sold on this one preschool without feeling the need to see any others. When it’s right, it’s right, right? But everyone else seemed to think that “we” should check out some other ones first. And when I say “we,” I, of course, mean “me.” And since I didn’t feel much need for that, I was a bit unmotivated about the whole thing. So 3 weeks went by, I hadn’t visited any other schools and I began to worry that the few remaining openings at the preschool I liked might be taken.

Then, by sheer coincidence, I met a woman at lunch on Friday who is a class mother in the very same class I hoped to get Lilly into. We had a nice chat, she confirmed that the school is wonderful and she told me there were still spaces open as of class that morning. So, I told Elliott that I was just going to enroll Lilly and I don’t care if I haven’t seen any other schools. He agreed. The school doesn’t have hours over the weekend so I planned to call Monday. It slipped my mind Monday, so I called first thing this morning. Guess what. The last spot was taken yesterday! Damn! I can NOT catch a break this week!

So all I can say is “message received.” I’ve missed three opportunities too many this week and I’ve learned my lesson. I’m putting these mistakes behind me and moving on. To the sewing machine repair store.

The Too Little, Too Late by MushBrain, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Terms and conditions beyond the scope of this license may be available at mushbrain.net.