New Heights

If there is one main difference between parents and the rest of the human population it is the comfort level with poop. From the time your baby is born, poop becomes a key component of daily life. As one of my dear friends said recently while we were visiting his newborn son still in the hospital: “I knew I’d get used to talking about poop. I just didn’t realize it would be so soon.”

When you’re a parent — especially a stay-at-home parent — there’s no escaping poop. There’s the waiting (“Still no poop?”); the constant preparation (“Diapers? Check. Wipes? Check.”); the inspection (“I don’t think it’s supposed to be green. Call the doctor.”) and there’s the praise (“You pooped! I’m so proud of you!”). It’s all very routine to moms and dads.

Still, there are times when I’m among the hoards of people that inhabit this planet who, strangely enough, do not discuss poop on a daily basis, when I realize that bowel movements can actually be an awkward conversation topic. Of course it is usually right around that time that I look over and see Lilly with a white-knuckled grip on some piece of furniture, contorting her face and grunting.

Earlier this week as we were sitting in the Tampa Airport waiting for our connecting flight home from an extended vacation, I found myself in just this situation. Travel can wreak havoc on one’s bowel movements and for my poop-shy little angel, it was hell. We were on day 5 of the latest poop strike. The battle was getting fierce, but Lilly has demonstrated superhuman stubbornness before. All I could think was how am I going to handle a major diaper explosion on a 2.5 hour flight with limited supplies.  Thankfully, one supply I thought to keep handy was chocolate. So the bribery began.

Figuring that the rest of the airport was not interested in listening to our poop negotiations, they were mostly whispered in Lilly’s ear as she grunted in resistance. But if you’re a parent there’s probably one other thing you know about being around kids: there’s no volume control.

So about 25 minutes before boarding time, Lilly started yelling at the top of her lungs, “MOMMY, I POOPED! I POOPED, MOMMY! I POOPED! NOW I CAN EAT CHOCOLATE!” If I wasn’t so relieved by this development, I might have noticed a few more smirking and/or embarrassed travelers, but, as it was, I happily walked Lilly to the restroom as she jumped up and down in her bloated diaper still yelling, “YAY! I POOPED!”

I admit that I was taken aback by the sheer volume of Lilly’s chanting when we walked into the echo-chamber known as the airport restroom with Lilly still cheering “I POOPED!” But I was not about to discourage my obviously proud daughter by shushing her. So Lilly continued to chant “MOMMY, I POOPED! YAY! I POOPED! I CAN EAT CHOCOLATE NOW!” for the full duration of the diaper change with only a brief reprieve when she switched to chanting, “MY BUM’S FULL OF POOP, MOMMY!”

After about 3-4 straight minutes of this, even the most stoic of our fellow travelers couldn’t keep a straight face. Women began congratulating Lilly as they passed by, others dropped by for a high-five and others simply noted to me that she’s very proud while others laughed uncontrollably. I finally gave in to hysterical laughter when the girl putting on lipstick next to me lamented not having video on her phone.

I don’t know if Lilly’s voice traveled beyond the doorless entry to the restroom or if the unusually cheerful faces exiting the ladies’ room drew attention in the airport, but it seemed like all eyes were upon us as Lilly skipped out of the restroom a little lighter in the bum. As the women from the restroom dispersed and filled their traveling companions in on our poop shenanigans, the congratulations continued all the way back to our gate.

Needless to say, Lilly was quickly rewarded with her piece of chocolate and was prouder than ever to have her achievement widely recognized. I was also proud for having achieved new heights in my comfort level with “poop” — that may or may not be available for viewing on YouTube.

The New Heights by MushBrain, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Terms and conditions beyond the scope of this license may be available at mushbrain.net.