Poop de Résistance

So if you were somehow attracted to this post out of a love for potty humor, you will probably be disappointed because in our house poop is no joking matter. It is, however, a common topic of conversation. And for the last week or so, poop has also become a team effort.

Like many kids do at some point, Lilly recently decided that pooping is an unpleasant experience and, well, she’s just not going to do it anymore. I’m sure in her toddler brain this is completely logical. To those of us who understand a little better how the human body works, not so much. Alas, neither my pleas for her to listen to her body nor abdominal cramping that keeps her up through the night has convinced her that her poop strike is not a wise long-term strategy. So after three days of striking, we decided to intervene.

Now there are many things that a toddler refuses to do and just as many ways to force or trick them into doing it anyway. And then there’s always the instances when it’s just not a battle worth fighting. Pooping does not really fall into any of those categories. I can’t make her do it, yet she needs to. I needed a game plan.

Our pediatrician’s advice hotline and Google gave me pretty much the same advice. But 12 hours, a trip to the drug store, a dose of Miralax, several healthy servings of prune juice and 2 enemas later, we still had nothing.

I think, at this point, it’s safe to say that Lilly is a child who exhibits extraordinary determination and self-restraint. She also gives off a bit of an unpleasant odor, but I’m certain that’s just temporary.

I knew it was up to me. I would have to find a way to use the knowledge I have garnered as a mother and an experienced pooper to negotiate our way out of this. If I learned anything as a devoted fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it’s that everyone has a weakness. Lilly’s happens to be chocolate. And if I’ve learned anything as a mother of a toddler, it’s that bribery works. So we instituted a new policy in our house: 1 poop = 1 Hershey’s kiss. I was hoping to keep that little gem in my pocket until potty training officially began, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Having secured a satisfactory trade agreement, Lilly acquiesced. She claimed several pieces of chocolate in one day, then started her strike anew.

We won the battle but not the war.

On the upside, it’s a great time for me to kick off a new diet because chocolate has been ruined for me forever.

The Poop de Résistance by MushBrain, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Terms and conditions beyond the scope of this license may be available at mushbrain.net.