Dealing With Defiance

Sometimes I have to remind myself that just a year ago, Lilly was barely walking, barely talking and barely understanding the world around her. I know you hear it all the time, but it really is amazing how much babies can change in a year. A year ago her whole life was smiling, giggling, and working on the latest motor skills feat. Now, at just over two, her feats tend to be more of the “DO IT MYSELF!” variety, which inherently involves testing her boundaries and a bit of defiance. I really do appreciate her journey toward independence even thought it is, at times, challenging for me because at the end of the day Lilly is still a sweet little girl, always willing to share a laugh and a hug. But then there are mornings like this morning . . .

You know your day is off to a bad start when you’re looking at the timer counting down on the third time-out of the day and are so relieved you can cry when you still have 47 seconds to calm down . . . and it’s only 9:30 am . . . and, frankly, you were already crying. Now, before you assume that I had to have been a bit trigger-happy with the time-outs to get into that position, let me assure you that generally I am fully on-board with the pediatrician-advised discipline technique of “Distract, Distract, Distract” at this age. But in certain situations, distraction seems just a bit too close to approval and I feel a more direct approach is necessary. If Lilly spills her milk while throwing a fit because I’m refusing to pour her milk into a pink cup after I already poured her milk into a blue cup and then an orange cup, at her request, I’m not going to put her in time-out. I’ll just ask her what animals she likes at the zoo as I clean up the mess and pour another cup of milk. BUT, if Lilly then takes her new cup of milk and looks me in the eye, smiles and dumps said cup of milk all over the table and floor, simply asking her about the zoo doesn’t seem to send the right message.

Back in the early days, I would think: “I can’t even imagine Lilly making me mad. She’s so adorable! Even when she’s mischievous it just makes me laugh.” Oh, what a sweetly naïve mom I was! Those moments of innocence all came back to me this morning when I got pelted in the head by a tomato launched off of Lilly’s fork – twice. That was after she attempted to carve a picture into our dining table (after multiple warnings) and repeatedly screamed in my face as I tried to explain that she should be nice to Mommy. Yes, it was one of those mornings when the parents who plant their children in front of a TV for 8 hours and go about their own business seem to be onto something good.

I know these are minor infractions in the big picture and, really, we are blessed with a child that 99% of the time has a very sweet and cheerful temperament. I also know that there are many years to come when Lilly will be pushing her limits and will knowingly and – yes, defiantly – act in ways that test my patience. (My father promises he’ll let me know how long that phase lasts when I reach the end of it.) In a few years, I’ll probably wish my biggest problem was that Lilly gets a bit restless at the table. So, yes, I need to buck up and get used to the fact that Lilly is no longer an extension of myself, but an independent person. I have to remember when we have these rare, but frustrating, days when multiple time-outs are in order, that these little acts of rebellion are just part of Lilly’s journey into personhood. But right now, in this moment, I’d just really like to be able to get through breakfast without being pelted with a tomato.

The Dealing With Defiance by MushBrain, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Terms and conditions beyond the scope of this license may be available at mushbrain.net.