Lessons Learned: 5 Tips for Traveling with a Child

I did it. I traveled with Lilly on an airplane by myself. Sure, people do this every day. But when it’s your first time, it’s a BIG deal. Most of my family lives in NY, and driving from here takes 14 hours, so a solo flight was bound to happen eventually. Both of my parents had birthdays last week and I decided last minute to surprise them with a visit from their granddaughter. That meant traveling with just Lilly (14.5 months) and her favorite stuffed Lamb, Lambie. (Very creative, right?)

Traveling alone with a child is intimidating. Frankly, I don’t like air travel even when it’s just me. I get anxious beforehand. I don’t sleep the night before. I have to make a conscious effort not to think of all the nightmare scenarios. Add the stress of a potential meltdown and it rockets to the top of my things-I-don’t-want-to-do list. But now it’s over and, to be honest, it wasn’t that bad. So to help calm the nerves of others in this situation, here are my top 5 lessons learned.

1. Expect the unexpected. This works both ways: the good and the bad. If baby’s diaper never leaks at home, it will while traveling. If baby never sits still to play with a toy, in all the commotion of a busy airport or loud plane, a toy from home may be just the comfort s/he needs to stay calm. A little planning goes a long way, but a LOT goes even farther.

I also had to check my expectations for others. I expected to encounter defeated sighs of “ugh, great, a baby is on our flight,” accompanied by impatient travelers sending me silent, threatening stares. Instead, people seemed relieved to have a bit of toddler entertainment while sitting otherwise bored waiting for the flight. And, instead of glares, I got nods of reassurance and sympathy. Even the poor souls who couldn’t recline their seats on the plane due to a car seat being wedged in the seat behind them were surprisingly supportive. And on the rare occasion when someone became impatient with my slow pace, they were the recipient of the threatening glares, not me.

2. Carry-on just ONE (very) full bag. I think the most stressful part of traveling without another adult was the constant worry that I was leaving something behind in all the commotion. And since I only packed exactly what I needed to eliminate extra bulk, leaving something behind would have been a problem. Even with just one bag, it still meant keeping track of that bag, jackets, Lambie, the stroller, the carseat, whatever I was dealing with at that moment (tickets, passports, money, food, etc.) and, of course, a fidgety toddler. Between the whirlwind that is security and Lilly’s frequent requests for crackers, a drink, a book, there were many opportunities to lose track of what was coming in and out of that bag. I think my head would have exploded if I had had anything else.

3. Depend on the kindness of strangers. Even if it means having to bite your tongue through the endless unsolicited advice that comes along with it. Generally, I have little patience for the inconsiderate or simply clueless people that one encounters on a daily basis when you have children. It seems when you have a child that everyone in the world thinks they are welcome to spout off whatever advice, criticisms, judgments, and observations spring to mind. When I am stressed I often have a few choice words for these people. But an airport is a small world and there is no room to burn bridges.

Case in point: While waiting to board, I was a little peeved by a woman who insisted on pushing ahead of us to board despite everyone else encouraging me to go ahead so I’d have time to deal with all my baby gear. I was tempted to sarcastically thank her for her consideration, but bit my tongue. Good thing. Because she and her husband ended up sitting directly behind us and within minutes declared themselves Lilly’s “honorary grandparents” and were very helpful in retrieving Lilly’s thrown binkies and toys throughout the flight.

4. Remember it’s not as bad as you think. It’s easy to get overwhelmed when juggling so much under time constraints and in the view of so many ready-to-judge strangers. But in all likelihood, no matter how bad it seems, it is probably not as bad as you think. On 2 of our 4 flights, there were other children and babies on board. In both cases, there was at least 1 child on board that cried through most of the flight. I know this, not because I heard them or because people were grumbling, but because the flight attendants told me (presumably to reassure me that my child was not a concern to anyone). I couldn’t even hear the crying in the back of the plane and I doubt the other people in my vicinity or in the 20 rows ahead of me did either. I am also sure those in the child’s immediate range could hear the crying, but people are more understanding than you think. (See Nos. 1 & 3 above.) And a show of effort goes a long way, which brings me to #5.

5. Acknowledge your situation. There will always be some people who are having a bad day or don’t like children or don’t have children and just don’t get it. But I found, traveling as a solo parent and as a pre-family passenger, that acknowledging the less-than-ideal circumstances to others can work wonders. A comment here about tiring baby out at the gate so she sleeps on the plane or a quip there about remembering how nice it was to board with just a laptop can be all it takes to remind doubtful passengers that what you’re doing is not easy and you’re doing the best you can. And, although I managed to get through our flights without a major episode, I am pretty sure that had Lilly been uncooperative and had someone given me a hard time, if I had simply looked them in the eye and said, “I’m doing the best I can,” then Lilly’s honorary grandparents and other sympathetic passengers would have put them in their place — if the shame didn’t do it first.

I’m sure there are many more lessons about traveling with child that I have yet to learn. And every age presents different challenges. But the bottom line is that traveling without another adult is doable with careful planning and mental preparation.

The Lessons Learned: 5 Tips for Traveling with a Child by MushBrain, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. Terms and conditions beyond the scope of this license may be available at mushbrain.net.