The FDA is again attempting to rectify some of its past ineptitude. This time Triclosan – a ubiquitous antibacterial chemical suspected of encouraging development of antibiotic-resistant bacteria and inhibiting the human endocrine system – is getting a fresh look. (Thank you, Rep. Edward Markey of Massachusetts!) read more…
“Father Walsh said he told Archbishop Albert Gregory Meyer of Milwaukee, who sent Father Murphy [who allegedly molested as many as 200 deaf boys] on a retreat and then put him back in the school to undo ‘the harm he had done.’ . . . Father Murphy continued working in parishes and schools, with deaf people, and leading youth retreats in the Diocese of Superior for the next 24 years.” Laurie Goodstein & David Callender, For Years, Deaf Boys Tried to Tell of Priest’s Abuse, The New York Times, 3/26/10.
Sometimes, forgiveness is not divine. It’s just plain evil.
Sometimes I miss George W. Bush’s administration just for the jokes. Remember when the Conservatives had their way and the government was transparent and fiscally responsible? Me neither!
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“Essentially, five [Conservative] justices were unhappy with the limited nature of the case before us, so they changed the case to give themselves an opportunity to change the law . . . The path [the Court] has taken to reach its outcome will, I fear, do damage to this institution.” ~ Justice John Paul Stevens on the Supreme Court’s handling of Citizens United v. FEC, from Jeffrey Toobin’s article in The New Yorker
I listened to this fantastic interview with legal analyst and lawyer Jeffrey Toobin on NPR’s Fresh Air today. Despite the title, it is less a discussion about Justice John Paul Stevens’ impending retirement than a great overview of the major changes the U.S. Supreme Court has been undergoing in recent years. read more…
I spent part of Lilly’s naptime today trying to help one of my mom-friends decide whether she is ready to take a Caribbean vacation with her husband sans baby. I forewarned her that after the tantrum-filled morning I just had with Lilly I am not exactly an unbiased consultant. My heart was saying, “aww – a week without Lilly kisses!” But my agita was screaming, “Get on that damn plane, chug a margarita and don’t look back!!”
Enter guilt.
Yes, if you’ve read any of my posts about motherhood or life, you know I am nearly always fraught with guilt over one thing or another. So I was relieved to the point of giddiness when I stumbled onto “31 Reasons You Shouldn’t Feel Mom Guilt” just moments after my guilt reflex kicked in. Numbers 12 and 29 had me laughing out loud. Enjoy!
It’s been almost two months since we learned that our second pregnancy resulted in a missed miscarriage and more than a month since my D&C. Since this ordeal began I have spoken to many family members, friends and acquaintances who have suffered through their own miscarriages.
It’s not hard to find someone with a miscarriage story to share. 1 in 4 women have had a miscarriage (some occurring so early that the woman may not even know she was pregnant); and 1 in 2 pregnancies ends in miscarriage. This, of course, is the first thing the doctor and many other people have pointed out to me: “You are not alone.” Everyone assumes there is comfort in numbers, but I have found just the opposite. First, it’s hardly comforting to know that your loved ones have experienced such an emotional loss. Sure, generally speaking, misery loves company, but this is one of those things you never wish on even your worst enemy.
Also, you always hear people say, “every pregnancy is different.” Well, so is every miscarriage. Was the miscarriage a day or two after a positive pregnancy test or was it after months of being pregnant? Was it a panicky, painful trip to the ER or weeks of waiting impatiently? Was it a first pregnancy? Was it a first miscarriage? Have you had a child since? Each of these factors changes the experience significantly. All miscarriages are painful, emotional losses for a woman, but that’s not to say that I can relate to every woman who has had a miscarriage. In fact, I have found it very difficult to find someone with an experience that I can relate to. So, despite the fact that I am “not alone,” I have found miscarrying to be one of the most isolating experiences of my life.
For weeks I’ve been trying to connect. With someone. With some experience. I don’t really know why – what exactly I expected to gain from that connection but it just felt like a necessary step for me to move on. So, I had family time, vacation time, date nights, girls’ nights, rowdy nights, quiet nights, long phone calls, spa days, you name it. And when all this failed to fill the void I had nowhere else to look but inward.
So last night I went back to an old friend. One I used to spend a good deal of time with, but haven’t of late. As I’m writing this, it seems the obvious “friend” to whom I refer is me. And I suppose that’s true enough. But I was actually referring to my old friend meditation. In fact, they are one and the same.
For two hours last night I did “transformational breathwork.” In other words, I laid on the floor in a candlelit yoga studio filled with some seriously penetrating music surrounded by mostly strangers. But really the only person I was with was me. Me and my thoughts and my breath. For two hours.
If you’ve never meditated, you wouldn’t believe what that can do to a person. It breaks you down. Thought by thought. Emotion by emotion. And that’s only the mind part of it. It also causes your body to release tension and stress that you’ve been holding onto for so long you’ve simply gotten used to it. Your muscles can spasm, tense, become numb and ultimately relax. As all of these changes occur – mind and body – you realize you haven’t taken a truly deep breath in months, maybe years, maybe ever. Because until you let all that go — ALL of that go — you can’t breathe in a therapeutic way.
In short, it was an intense experience. And one that I needed. I can’t say I’m over the loss of my baby or that I ever will be. Meditation didn’t cure me. I still have grieving to do. But it gave me clarity, a path. You can even call it an epiphany. I am alone. But I am also the only one I need to find peace again.
I love arts and crafts. And I am not ashamed. I have been cross-stitching for as long as I can remember. I was a Girl Scout for much longer than is socially acceptable. And I love a good excuse to pull out paints, a glue gun and all the other messy stuff involved in crafts projects. My mom was (and is) always great at coming up with ways to make things at home rather than buying them. And she certainly nurtured my interest in crafts from day 1. Not surprisingly, then, I have been anxiously awaiting a time when Lilly and I could do some projects together. That time is upon us, my friends.
Just before Valentine’s Day, I was inspired by the dollar bins at Target, where I found Valentine’s Day themed scrapbook paper cutouts. Now, despite my crafty-ness (not craftiness), I am not a scrapbooker. I tried; it’s not my cup of tea. I like crafts because they provide instant gratification. Scrapbooking, in my experience, is a never-ending to-do list. I have enough of those. But I digress. When I saw the scrapbooking paper, I thought, “Well, those are cute and they would make good homemade Valentines.” And Lilly’s first craft project was born. I splurged the buck on the paper and another couple on a new glue stick and we were on our way.
That afternoon (and the following two afternoons) I pulled out my bargain buys from Target and enough construction paper for Lilly to make Valentines for her cousins, grandparents, and, of course, one for me and her dad. I laid a cheapy, plastic table cloth on the floor so Lilly could go crazy with her markers, stamps and paints. I punched out the perforated scrapbooking shapes and showed her how to use a glue stick. Sure, there were some hiccups. Like Lilly noticing that a glue stick is basically shaped like a giant chapstick, and using it accordingly. Repeatedly. And I learned the hard way that a stamp pad is the fastest way to get toddler handprints all over a room. But, ultimately, the results were beautiful. I had a blast doing crafts with my daughter for the first time. She had a blast doing something new. And the masterpieces! Well, see for yourself:
Besides opening a window to new and fun things to do with Lilly. This experience also added some excitement to my non-Lilly life. It’s been a while since I worked on some crafts on my own and god knows I’ve needed some distractions lately. So, I’m eager to get started on some projects I’ve been thinking about doing for a while, and I’ve found some new ones too. I’ll try to chronicle both my failures and successes here.